As, I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy, I finally have the gall to post about it. I’ve been writing about my pregnancy as it’s been progressing, but was wavering on whether I wanted to share about it on the blog. After I read my post though, I finally decided to take the plunge. I know I’m not the only mama faced with a surprise pregnancy, and I hope that reading what I went through might help someone through a rough spot.
So here is my throwback post to when I just found out that I’m pregnant with my little circus performer.
Surprise Pregnancy – Seeing That + Sign
I’ve been feeling so great lately. As much as it’s been sad saying good-bye to our cat Louie, it was also a blessing in disguise. He was in rapid renal failure for 6 months and it took a lot of time and resources to keep him alive. My days were split between caring for my toddler and my ailing cat. And that’s on top of our two dogs and another cat. I felt that there was no time or space to care for myself. Blogging took a backseat and wasn’t progressing. Life felt bleak and gloomy.
In the last 2 months of Louie’s life, my husband and I joined an amazing gym and started going to yoga regularly. I haven’t been to the gym since before my son was born. It was such a treat to be back there. In just a month of yoga, my flexibility and strength increased. I was feeling lighter and taller. Another class I was enjoying tapped into my old self – Hip-Hop Fitness. SO MUCH FUN!!!! I felt myself for the first time since I became a mom.
So there I was enjoying my new found balance and peace when my period decided to be late. No biggie, I kept telling myself. It’s happened before. Besides, it’s only a few days late. Well, I only managed to convince myself that the lateness was normal for 4 days. I then caved and took a pregnancy test. In the back of my head, I knew what the result was going to be but, I kept telling myself that it was not possible. Well……It was possible!!!! There it was lying on the floor, projecting a YES+ on the screen……………………………………………………………………………
I called my husband immediately. I knew I couldn’t hold on to this myself. We weren’t planning on having more children. We both found parenting incredibly challenging and were not planning on diving into it a second time. But sometimes life has other plans for us.
I’m not sure what I really felt at the moment. I constantly pictured this moment happening to me. In my mind, I would be lying on the bathroom floor, sobbing uncontrollably. But my response wasn’t nearly as dramatic.
I cried a little while sharing the news with my husband but that’s all. I felt neither happy, nor sad – just numb. Then I saw the trips we were planning at the end of the year disappearing off our schedule. And next year holding less trips and less freedom for us, again. I wonder, if I can do this the second time? First time was difficult physically and emotionally and I don’t anticipate it being easier this time around. And what about work? I was considering growing my blog and returning to work as a therapist. But that was before I found out I was pregnant.
We shared our surprise pregnancy news with friends and family and got mixed responses. Some were happy and excited for us, while others scolded us for not timing it right (is there really ever such a thing?), or just quietly exited the stage. So in a way this surprise pregnancy brought us closer to some and distanced us from others.
Surprise Pregnancy – Hopes for the future
But I’m also hopeful. Hopeful that with the experience of my firstborn, I know just a bit more what to expect and what things I would like to do differently. I know I need to concentrate more on me, otherwise I’ll plummet into PPD again and I don’t want to be there. This time, we’ll send him or her to daycare earlier to avoid the intense separation anxiety my son has. And this time I won’t put pressure on myself to breastfeed for the whole year if it’s causing me immense pain and anxiety.
This time will be different!
This time was different. The pregnancy was much more difficult physically. I had no energy, severe migraines for weeks on end, constant nausea, and a lot of back and pelvic pain. My blog didn’t grow nearly as fast or as much as I wanted. I was not able to return back to work. We also missed out on numerous weddings of close friends due to inability to travel. So really, the bad things that I was afraid of happened.
But then some unexpected good things happened. I had a Successful VBAC with my second son (read my story here). My postpartum depression was much less severe this time around, and I finally started getting help for it. I started digging deeper into myself and why motherhood has been such a challenge for me (I’ve discovered that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person). Also having another child made me realize that my parenting skills are just fine (I had doubts due to my elder son been a rather “challenging” kid but it turns out he’s a Highly Sensitive Child). And last but not least, I saw my children bonding. For the first time in parenting, I have experienced true joy! Nothing brings me more pleasure than watching my two sons play together and enjoying each other’s company.
I hope that in reading about my experience you can see that surprise pregnancies can bring great love and joy into your life. It doesn’t take away from the difficulties you may experience, but while you can pretty accurately account for the difficulties, you can’t really account for the joys and positive experiences. And if you just need some emotional support, I’m here for you, and so is the Parent on Board Parenting Support Facebook Group.
Quote of the day
“One must be prepared for some surprises in life – some things will work out your way, some won’t. You just have to keep working and do things to the best of your ability.” – Fawad Khan
Mental Health Tip of the Day
Life is full of surprises. Sometimes they’re good and sometimes they’re not. But in the end, it’s all about what we do with those surprises. When life surprises you, stop and ponder the situation. What can you do with it? What are the positives and negatives of this situation? How can I make this work for me? Almost all of the surprises can work out in our favor when framed correctly.